I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
