i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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