My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
