I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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