i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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