what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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