my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
