The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Damn victory sex feels great
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
