You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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