Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
