I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
