Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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