you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
