I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
