I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
