remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize