the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
