I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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