my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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