I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize