All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
