Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
