she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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