Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
