I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
