What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Mom said you looked used
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
