I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
