coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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