I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I believe in your delicious
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
