Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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