I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
