So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
