You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize