i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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