i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The Olympian is in my bed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
