nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Are we still banned from the library?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
