I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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