I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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