69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
