Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
