why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
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