she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
