If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
