He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
