whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
