If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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