Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
