Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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