i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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