well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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