this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize