no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
