Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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