she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
