Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
