Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
