it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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