you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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