Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
