Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just puked most of my soul out..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
