My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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