Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
