I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
