Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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