By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
