Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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