I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
