god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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