But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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