he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
