his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
