speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
