you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
