I think my vagina is haunted
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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