I wish life had little blips of pornography
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
