So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
